Since I've come out - a lot of people feel it's cool to give me personal feedback on the "choice" that I've made to go lezzy. I'm talking religious counseling, personal attacks, personal opinions, stats on bashings and terrible things that have happened to gay people, etc. The nicest spectrum has been more like sheepish and tacit acceptance just so my feelings are protected - something like, 'Because I love you, I will accept it but I'm scared for you and you'll have a hard way to go'; 'don't expect others to be as accepting as I.'
I have been very fortunate to have a few good friends who were already out and just said something to the effect of, 'cool...how's the weather in NY?' And of course I have a loving GF in Jay.
I want to take issue with people's feelings that there needs to be a reaction at all. No one ever says, "Oh my God, you're straight - congrats, life will be so easy for you..." Well, perhaps some gay parents who've walked the tough road have said that to others, but it's not generally something one hears for being "NORMAL." Ok, I must curse, though I am trying to cut back. What the fuck is normal? Who determines it? Don't give me the religilous bullshit here. The Bible was written and rewritten to suit rich bastards who wanted to marry as many times as it suited them, beat their wives, justify rape AND slavery, etc. Yes, I'm a Christian and I do NOT generally pick and choose which parts of the good book with which to agree - but I gotta put it out there that the "Good Book" was only made better over the years for people who could afford to make it so.
That said - if God doesn't like my lifestyle, he can tell me on Judgment Day. All the rest of my family, friends, everyone else who wants to weigh in - WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION ABOUT MY SEXUALITY I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU!
Tonight I was treated to a tirade about my need to hit my knees and pray about my sinful gayness from my freeloading, alcoholic, philandering uncle - followed immediately by the dinner blessing. Needless to say, this PISSED me off to no end. I'm sick of hearing about how people feel about me, how they are concerned for my safety and how I should think twice about this lifestyle "choice". I've thought about it a million times. I've prayed a million more. All I want to do is live MY life MY way.
If I hurt someone, call me on it. If I start drinking, develop an eating disorder, get abused, gain 100 lbs, spend recklessly to the point of bankruptcy, suffer at the hands of those who are there to take care of me, etc - step in by all means and help me get it together. For the record, all of these things have happened to me in one form or another at one time or another and the same advice-givers who "hate on" my "choice" knew about these things but offered NO opinions or suggestions.
So now when I'm in love, being loved, and trying to just get my life on track; decide which side you're on: you're with me and my kind OR you're against me and my kind and let's just draw the line there. I hate to take such a strong stance, but I'm imploding from all of the garbage. Perhaps as I get used to hearing all the nonsense, I'll be able to hear how people feel about my life choices, the love of my life, and the family I'm building as IF they were commenting on my shoes - 'cause honestly, that's about how the opinions get doled out at this point. But right now, like I've been trying to say thru this entire rant: I'm done hearing what you've got to say for now, keep it! Decide if my choice is one you can live with silently and act as if I am the same person I was 8 months ago before I came out - OR step off until you can get through it, if you can in fact get through it.
Relax, Relate, Release...and exhale. Valentine's Post tomorrow!
You know those are the things that I honestly laugh to myself about. I was present at that pre-dinner speech and it really makes me laugh. For one I never ask anyone to accept me or what I am doing. And that not only stems from lifestyle choices. It goes for everything from career, dressing, opinions etc. Unless I am hurting someone or myself physically that is when I look to intervention. But when I am just minding my own business and living happily and loving life and who I am with do not mess up my Zen! Because it just makes it seem like your personal life is in such a bad place that you are not happy to see anyone else happy. And frankly that makes me want to stay far away from you. And never come around you or have you in my home. Yes I take things to the extreme because I don't like having people with bad thoughts around me it just make me feel horrible.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned to Ari that we can never stop a person from saying what they want or having their opinions. Because everyone is looking to find someone who they feel has it worse then them so when they look in the mirror for that one second they can feel less guilty or embarrassed about themselves and the choices they've made. I would like to say why can't we all just get along but that is too much of an obvious statement. If I never told you that I date women you would never know the difference and would continue to treat me the same as when you met me. That seems to be the norm in our society.
Ari you and I both know we are not looking for anyone’s acceptance. All that is asked for is respect. If you can't do that then keep it moving and don't even bother looking back. We are on the road to continued joy and happiness and will hit potholes and speed bumps along the way but as always we just rollover them or go around them and keep on the path we want to travel!