Loving My "Me" - Tell Us About Loving You

i've been going thru some serious changes lately and i've been thinking so much about who i am and who i want to be.  right now, i am in this transition stage of cutting out calling myself "bi" and being ok with saying i'm full-on lezzy and being cool with that.  i've accepted it.  I AM A LESBIAN.  but here's the thing, it's hard not to feel something when i refer to myself as lezzy and people say, "WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BI?" it's such a huge deal to most of the people close to me for me to redefine my identity. 

YES, most of my open relationships were with men and those relationships lasted a long time.  that's why i thought i was "bi" in the first place.  i thought if i said i was lezzy outright, it would somehow deny or downplay those relationships.  but here's the thing - people evolve, so it should be ok to reclassify yourself whenever YOU want to, no?  well, i'm lezzy now! 

i love saying it.  i love being it.  i love wearing my rainbows and i feel like i'm in this very special, very exclusive club that i've always wanted to be in.  whenever i met open lesbians in the past, i thought - "Wow, she's a lesbian," like i was meeting royalty or something.

well, i'm still going through some other things and yeah, i'm in the middle (hopefully at the end) of a very rough patch, but at least this one huge chunk of my life is set.  and it's a very important part of my life at that.  i think identifying, living IN and loving my sexuality is a huge step toward my healing right now.  i'm happy with that for now - because it gives me a natural endorphin high, that high that can't be replicated or imitated.  and my smile is so big.  i thank my jay for helping me with that.

now, tell me how you love your you - or tell me what's in the way of you falling in love with yourself...

RuPaul's Drag Race 3 - TONIGHT

3 hours of RuPaul tonight - the casting special, the show and Untucked!
http://www.logotv.com/

Tomorrow - full review, please be sure to chime in. 

Can't wait!!!

Use All Your Crayons!

RuPaul on BRAVO'S WATCH WHAT HAPPENS

Tonight, RuPaul touched me just a little bit.  No, he didn't reach thru the screen and actually feel my ample bosom, but he did touch my heart! I'm sorry I can't repeat him word-for-word, but the show's crew was discussing tonight's episode of REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA.  Specifically, the question was "What does RuPaul think of the boys who half-drag?" Half-drag being when guys wear women's clothes, accessories, shoes and makeup, but they wear their hair and faces as boys and are proud of their modified-manhood.  RuPaul said (paraphrasing) 'I love it!  Not everyone is bold enough to use all the colors in the crayon box and these boys are using them all!"

I thought there was a lesson in that.  So, I'm hoping this week everyone can feel encouraged to use more of their crayons.  If you're an AG and you want to wear cornrows or braids, but can't wear them to work - get them put in for your days off.  If you want to wear men's clothes - girl, put on those big boy jeans and that hot shirt and take some pics of yourself at home.  If you're a femme and you've always wanted to know what it feels like to wear a strap-on, girl, go to the sex shop and get yourself a cute little pink toy and strap that sucker to your hips!

My point is - you have to find a place to color; even if it's just your own bedroom.  Always try to find a little place for yourself where you can be you .  We all don't have jobs and lives that allow for us to show our tattoos or braids or maybe our cross-dressing looks, but there should always be a little place in our lives where we can be ourselves however that plays out.  If you haven't found it yet - look for it, because it exists!

WATCH RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE 3 MONDAYS @ 9 ON LOGO
MONDAY, 1/24 THE ACTION STARTS AT 9 AND DOESN'T END UNTIL MIDNIGHT!!!

You Still Need Condoms!

DISCLAIMER: Jay hates that I'm writing this post so early in our blog's history. She's got some very valid opinions about how mainstream media think that being gay is only about sex and therefore we should limit our sexual topics. While agree with her for the most part, I also think that sex is a very important part of any healthy adult's life - and therefore, we should mix things up. Keep things serious when we need to, but take the opportunity to do a little educating whenever possible. And that's the point of today's post - sexual education for the lesbian!

On with the blog...

So now that you're a member of the Hoo-Hoo Sisterhood, you think you can go to the club tonight without any "protection" - WRONG! Get your condoms, your dental dams or your saran wrap, pack your purse and make it happen!

Ok, before I get too detailed let me assure you that this is not a sex site. We WILL talk about sexual issues as they relate to the lesbian community and it's way important that we keep it real. Hell, this information is out there - and we are all grown women, so you gotta swallow that American prudish nature and deal with the truth. Dildos, condoms and dental dams, oh, my! Alright, I couldn't help myself, I had to write that - but seriously...dildos, condoms and dental dams need to be in the lesbian woman's closet like toilet paper. They are that much of a necessity.

Disease and nastiness runs through our circles just like they do the hetero-world. When you go over to that chicks house to play, and she (or you) strap on, just remember to strap up too! She might tell you it just came out of the box, or that she washed it, but would you wear someone else's unwashed underwear? Well, that's basically what you're doing if you let her use a toy on you sans condom. And just so she can't run that okie-doke on you, "Baby, I told you it's new. I haven't been with anyone in so long. I don't buy condoms..." - you need to have a Magnum on hand. Whoops, did I say, Magnum? That's what we need on this side of town, you might do well with any of your favorite brand of condoms. And unlike being with one of those barbaric men who want to ram their unsheathed penises inside or you, she can't complain, "It doesn't feel the same." She should have no objections at all, actually. And if you're anything like me, the latex and silicone mix can be a little brutal on your vagina because some of those bad boys (dildos) shed. So now we're talking health benefits beyond STI's, we're also talking about just plain vaginal health, and that's important too.

Dental dams - not everyone has seen one. Go to the sex shop and pick up a pack and get comfy. They are like rubbery-non ripping fruit roll ups. They come in a variety of flavors and sizes and they can add a yummy and FRAGRANT twist to your downtown experience. When you're monogamous and live with your partner like Jay and me, they can just add a little flavor to the evening - literally. You can even enhance the experience a little further by slathering up your partner with flavored lube, top the lube with dental dam and then lube up your side so you can have a tasty treat as well. The effect is magnificent. She feels like she's really getting your bare tongue because of the wetness of the lube against the dam - and your tongue is rubbing and undulating against the other side, giving her vajayjay the massage of a lifetime. For you, you get the taste of your choice of flavors, the feel of warmth against the dam and the sounds and squirms of her immense pleasure!

Every once in a while, we will need to get our hands (and eyes) a little dirty in this blog. Being gay is NOT all about sex, but hell, we have sex lives and as a blog community, we have to look out for our sisters in the bedroom. So often, we talk to our hetero sisters about safe sex and we tell them all the dirt on how to keep themselves safe without remembering to look out for ourselves.

Just remember - strap on / strap up. When you're go down, fill the dam, don't break it!

Tell Us Your Story...How did you know you were lezzy?

I knew when I was 5 and I thought all the girls in my kindergarten class were cute and the boys were icky.  I didn't think they were cute like, "look at that cute little girl," I wondered what it would be like to kiss them on the lips and laugh.  The boys were always stealing kisses from the girls in class, so why couldn't I steal a kiss from one of the girls too?

But I knew for sure when I got to junior high school and all the girls were BLOOMING.  It was fun to go to school everyday and see how cute all the girls were getting - and their boobs and booties were just growing. At the time, I didn't think it meant I was gay, I just thought it meant I liked looking at girls and comparing them - not to myself, but to each other.  I'd rate them in my head and I had my favorites to check on every now and then. So I had my boyfriends and we kissed and made out but it never "wet my panties" or made me want to get busy.  It was just fun and something to do.  It's what everyone else was doing.

Fast forward to my twenties.  I'm living in LA and this Hot Tamale starts pursuing me.  I didn't know what to do at all.  She was a good friend and I spoiled her rotten with dinners, gifts, complements and outings.  To me, it was just being a "good friend" to someone who made my heart race.  I wanted to ignore it.  I had a boyfriend - of many years - and I was convinced he and I would get married and live happily ever after.  At the same time, I had a good friend who was coming out and I was her wing-woman at all the lezzy clubs and bars and we went O U T all the time.  The more I hung out with my lezzy friend in the lezzy world, the more my Hot Tamale appealed to me.  I wanted to take things to the next level with Hot Tamale.  I won't get into what all went down, but suffice it to say, when I left LA at the behest of my boyfriend, I left with a heavy heart and I wondered how I could live the hetero life and never kiss and hold a woman for the rest of my life. And even though I named her Hot Tamale, she's no "ho" - she's an great woman who loved me and opened my mind to who I really am.  I hurt her when I left and I'll never feel good about that, but we have to make peace with the past at some time.  To this day, Tamale and I are still friends.

Fast forward again.  The promised family and kids never came.  The boyfriend of more than 10 years never became my husband.  And despite my desires to have a 3 some so I could get some lady action and my desires to have an affair with a woman, I really had devoted myself to him and what we planned for our future and I would have been happy.  But since that didn't go down as planned, I through out the script and decided to join match.com and meet a few women.  I wasn't scared or nervous.  I had no reservations.  I was excited and ready.  My over eagerness made it hard for me to meet the right one quickly because I find that so many lezzy women are concerned that they will get played by bi or bicurious chicks just trying to have some sexual excitement.  I'll admit, I thought I was bisexual - a monogamous bisexual - but bisexual nonetheless.  And then I saw that Jay viewed my page.  She was GORGEOUS, well-educated and looking for someone who would not play games with her heart.  I wrote her a little slick one-liner and that reeled her right in!  She was mine pretty quickly - and in turn, I was hers.  We emailed for 2 days and the pages and pages of notes got to be too much so we decided to phone it up.  We talked more than 10 hours a day for 5 days.  We stayed up until 6am talking and we didn't want to get off the phone then.  It was Labor Day weekend and I ordered her Christmas present (an iPod touch) without even meeting her in person because I knew with everything in me that she was the one. 

We made plans to meet - and since she lives an hour or so from me, we figured she might as well spend the night.  We were SO good.  We were perfect ladies.  We didn't let ourselves become engulfed by passion and lust.  We talked and spent time together and maybe made out just enough to have a good time - but we had such a good time that we confirmed what the emails and phone calls had suggested - that this was for real. 

And that's where our history began.  Things have been growing in the months since then and we're so close now.  We're bffs and llfs too (lezzy lovers forever).  We figured out pretty quickly that taking it slow isn't in our power, so we're letting nature take it's course and going with what feels right. 

This post doesn't include how family and friends took to my new lifestyle - and I'm an open book kinda gal, so believe me, when I feel so hard for Jay and I knew for sure that I am and will always be lezzy, I told everyone close to me.  There were mixed reactions and a lot of them hurt, but heck, this is my life to live and my time to be loved.  Future posts will cover how the world reacts to us - but for now...

Tell us how you knew.  Tell us about the time that confirmed your suspisions.  Tell us how you started your lezzy life. You can be long winded like me, or you can be brief.  It's a blog.  Readers can read as much as or as little as they like - what's important to Jay and me is that YOU have a place to share what you want, how you want.  So if you want to write a poem, do it.  Want to submit a pic, go ahead.  Just post!  Anonymous or under a false name - it's up to you :)  I liked the name Ari, so I took it :)

Allow Us to Introduce Ourselves…

We are a lesbian couple living and loving – like any other monogamous couple.  We’ll call ourselves Ari and Jay to protect the not so innocent and to keep our lives just a little private.  Why the veil of secrecy?   Well, we plan on really going in on our lives, letting out some juicy details and giving our readers a glimpse inside our lives.  Since we want to give this blog as much authenticity as possible, it’s important that in our private lives – we can be just that, private.

With that cleared up – let’s get into who we really are.  We are highly educated African American lesbians.  I’m Ari and I have a Master’s in Communication and I’ve been working in the entertainment industry since I was 15.  I’m almost 32 and I’m new to my true lezbeyond-self.  I dated men my whole life – until I broke up with the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with.  We were together for more than 10 years, marriage and kids never happened and I always wondered how I am going to stay in this and never explore the side of myself that likes women?  Enter match.com post breakup.  That’s when I met Jay.  She casually stopped by my page without so much as a “Hi.”  Her picture was so fly and when I read her qualities and profile, I knew I had to talk to her.  We started emailing and within a few days – we were hooked.  We’ll get more into our relationship and the details of all we do as the blog grows. 

We had to start Lezbeyond because we just couldn’t relate to anything else we saw online or in mainstream media.  Let’s face it, gay men have defined themselves and broken through the LGBT movement in ways we women have yet to approach.  We also had to let the world know that there are Black lesbians – yeah, we exist – and we’re very diverse.  Femmes, aggressive, aggressive femmes, studs, undercovers, married, single, monogamous – etc.  We represent one couple and we invite other lesbians, no matter your race, to chime in and help us school the world on all things lesbian and beyond. As for me, Ari, I am a femme to the core.  There is not a tomboy bone in my body.  I love sexy women with a feminine edge.  I love a woman who’s got an aggressive side but when you look at her face all you see if pretty.  That’s where Jay comes in.

I’m Jay and I’m 35 and I’ve been on the lesbian scene for about 5 yrs. I can’t say I’ve been actively in the lesbian world but I’ve been out and about. I have an MBA and have worked in the advertising industry for 12 yrs and love the good, bad and ugly of advertising. I’ve dated men in my past but I’ve known I’ve been a lesbian since first grade…well at the time “I liked girls”.  I’ve been dating women for about 7 yrs now. The last relationship I was in..hmmm let’s say for now, “It really wasn’t meant to be”. That relationship pushed me to join match.com and then I found my match! It was a blessing to find someone who was on my level and also shared some of my dreams and goals at the same time. Once we started to email each other it was obvious this was worth exploring and here we are!