i've been going thru some serious changes lately and i've been thinking so much about who i am and who i want to be. right now, i am in this transition stage of cutting out calling myself "bi" and being ok with saying i'm full-on lezzy and being cool with that. i've accepted it. I AM A LESBIAN. but here's the thing, it's hard not to feel something when i refer to myself as lezzy and people say, "WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BI?" it's such a huge deal to most of the people close to me for me to redefine my identity.
YES, most of my open relationships were with men and those relationships lasted a long time. that's why i thought i was "bi" in the first place. i thought if i said i was lezzy outright, it would somehow deny or downplay those relationships. but here's the thing - people evolve, so it should be ok to reclassify yourself whenever YOU want to, no? well, i'm lezzy now!
i love saying it. i love being it. i love wearing my rainbows and i feel like i'm in this very special, very exclusive club that i've always wanted to be in. whenever i met open lesbians in the past, i thought - "Wow, she's a lesbian," like i was meeting royalty or something.
well, i'm still going through some other things and yeah, i'm in the middle (hopefully at the end) of a very rough patch, but at least this one huge chunk of my life is set. and it's a very important part of my life at that. i think identifying, living IN and loving my sexuality is a huge step toward my healing right now. i'm happy with that for now - because it gives me a natural endorphin high, that high that can't be replicated or imitated. and my smile is so big. i thank my jay for helping me with that.
now, tell me how you love your you - or tell me what's in the way of you falling in love with yourself...